Proverbs 31:13

      She seeketh wool, and flax,

and worketh willingly 

with her hands

 -Proverbs 31:13

The main part of this verse that caught my eye was "She worketh WILLINGLY with her hands."  Probably every one of us is familiar with that ancient saying "A man will work from sun to sun, but a woman's work is never done."  I have my doubts whether or not this saying is really true of the sexes in general.  I've met men who never stop and woman who like to take plenty of breaks.  :) 

Regardless, every single woman in this world, married or single, mother, sister or grandmother has more than enough projects, jobs, etc. (feel free to fill in the blank here with whatever it is that keeps YOU busy) to distract her every minute of every day.  How many of us have moaned for the luxury of 36 hours in a day instead of 24?  In fact, I'm pretty sure we were having a conversation along these exact lines on the IDD forum just the other day.  :)  I'm convinced however that whether we were given 36 hours a day or even 48 every single one of us would remain just as busy and behind on our "to-do" lists as we are now. 

Here's why:  From the minute I wake up in the morning, and often even before I've woken up in the morning, I am planning my day.  I wake up with a list in my head entitled Things To Get Done Today.  I get out of bed and before I've even washed my face the list has grown.  It goes like this:  On my walk to the bathroom I add Sweep Kitchen Floor and Make Coffee.  As I'm putting on my makeup and brushing my teeth I mentally add Buy a New Toothbrush, Look at Garden Plan, Save Money, Wash Towels and Talk to Mom about This Weekend. All of this is before I've even poured my coffee or eaten breakfast.  As soon as I open the refrigerator to get out the milk I start adding things to the Grocery section of my list and planning dinner.  I check my e-mail during breakfast (Three cheers for multi-tasking!!) and start adding more things to the list Pay Insurance, Write a Blog Post, Check on Library Books Due Dates, Water Plants.  If I'm feeling super organized I might even pull out my phone and start putting my list into a drafted text message that I keep for this exact purpose.  But, honestly, the thoughts come faster than I can put them into my phone and realistically I can't walk around with my phone in my hand all day long adding things to my list.  I walk to my car and the list grows.  Get Gas, Take Out Garbage, Practice Piano.  I arrive at work and my "Home" list retires to a "Look at Later" file and my "Work" list comes out.  Re-cut Flowers, Clean Roses, Order Plants, FIND MORE PENS, Clean vases, Call Other Shop....  During the day I think of people and add their names to my "Call and See How They're Doing List."  But, who has time for an hour long conversation with each of those 25 people?  I'll be perfectly honest.  By the time I've arrived home at the end of the day I've forgetten 80% of the things on the list, and of the remaining 20% maybe 5% of THOSE actually get done.  I fall into bed and try to sleep as the image of my "Things to Get Done Today" list haunts me with it's lack of check marks.  Imagine how it would be if we had 48 hours to spend thinking of things to do?  I, for one, would definitely be just as behind on my projected goals as I am now.  Maybe more so.
 


This is the life of a young, single woman with no husband to think of and no children to care for, and supposedly plenty of energy.  I'm not trying to give you the impression that I work uber-hard and deserve a vacation in Hawaii.  (Although that would be nice...)  As a matter of fact, I'm really trying to show you how discouraging it is to NOT get things done.  I, of course, take the lions share of the blame for things not getting done.  I could be more efficient.  I could prioritize better.  I could be less selfish and choose to spend my time doing the things that I know need to be done but I don't really want to do.  I could probably sacrifice an hour of sleep. 

Above all, I could have a better attitude.  That's all I'm really trying to say here.  The Virtuous Woman WORKS.  It's true.  But, more importantly, she works WILLINGLY.  You've heard the saying "Attitude is everything"?  It's absolutely true.  I would be willing to bet that I could sweep the floor faster and more efficiently if I have a good attitude versus sweeping the floor with a bad attitude.  If I go through my day with a willing heart I'll probably remember more of the things on my list.  I'll probably get more of them done and I'll definitely be a better example, a better employee, better sister and all around a better person to know.  On the flip side, if I scowl and complain about everything I do, I'll probably talk myself out of doing things, be less productive and no one will want to be around me. 

A woman's work is never done.  And, according to Proverbs 31, the Virtous Woman is WILLING to shoulder that burden.  Something every single one of us can work on every single done.  Because as long as there's work to be done, there can and should be a willing attitude to go along with it. 

Hello Mr. Wrong

My weekly post is up at the The IDD Blog today.  I'm posting it here, too. 


 Before we begin I want to point out something that you will probably realize as you read on.  I am not a believer in the idea that Courtship can save you from a broken heart.  Neither do I believe that "Dating With a Purpose" or for that matter ANY kind of relationship method can prevent broken hearts.  Broken hearts happen.  In fact, God ALLOWS hearts to break.  And if He does than it's all for our own good.  To "bring us to an expected end."  I believe that God has the perfect person out there for each of us.  I believe that God will bring two people together.  I believe that if a couple places their relationship in God's hands He will direct the relationship so that it remains pure and God-honoring.


    There are many, many, many, many, many "Successful Courtship" Stories out there.  Every couple has one.  And they're all sweet and inspiring and encouraging.  What we don't see as often are the "Failed Courtship" stories.  I'm convinced it's not because they're not out there.  There are obvious reasons for not sharing this kind of thing.  It's a personal matter, and I'm certainly not saying that everyone should publish their "Failed Courtship" stories.  But, it's good for us to understand that this kind of thing does and can happen.  (Incidentally, I don't actually believe in "failed" relationships.  If two people enter a relationship toward marriage with the idea that God will direct them and show them how/if they should get married, and it ends up not working, it wasn't meant to work.  In that case, I would have to call it a "successful relationship."  We certainly wouldn't want two people to get married just because they started a courtship/relationship if they discover it's not meant to be.  In these cases God has a much better match for each of them.) 

  
    The other thing that we never hear of but I believe MUST happen more than we think is the relationship that fails before it even gets off the ground.  Before it progresses to the "Courtship/Dating/Dorting/RELATIONSHIP" stage.  I'll be up front and honest here.  It's happened to me.  Twice.  It's happened to some of my friends. It's important to know we're not immune to this sort of thing just because we've committed ourselves to a higher standard of purity. 

   

    I'll be honest.  It's hard.  For those of us who believe in "Courtship", "Dating-With-A-Purpose", "Dorting" or whatever you choose to call it there's a seriousness of thought that comes with all potential relationships.  When I was in my teens and early 20s I never thought of any scenario except a perfect one.  I imagined a guy approaching me about starting a relationship.... Of course I said yes!  I was already in love with him!  Or, I imagined getting to know a guy as a friend and gradually falling in love, and when we both realize what is happening it's obvious we're destined to be together forever.  Or, my dad comes to me "Rebecca, 'So-and-so' has asked to start a relationship with you.  What do you think?"  And I take it to prayer and recieve a resounding "YES!" from God, and a "YES!" from my parents and fall madly in love and live happily ever after.  *sigh*  It seemed impossible to me that all the right components could be there without adding up to the right answer.  I never once imagined that a Godly, nice guy would approach me about starting a relationship and the train would come jerking to a halt.  And yet, that's exactly what happened. 

    I'll walk you through the emotional rollercoaster that is a potential relationship. 
            A) Guy approaches you/your father/however you think it should go

            B) Hope ignites.  At this point I think to myself "This could be it! I've been waiting my whole life for this to happen, and now it's happening!  Could this really be it?"  Not to mention the heart-warming "He LIKES me!"  Wow.  I mean, surely he wouldn't be attracted to me if it wasn't God's will.  Right?  Um, wrong.  Guys can struggle with crushes and attractions just like us girls. 

            C) You take it to prayer.  At this point you become aware that you do NOT already have feelings for this guy.  The place in your heart that supposed to be going "ZING!" is rather... empty. 

            D) Then the questions you ask yourself.  Is this guy really the one for me, but I'm immune to falling in love with him?  Am I destined to be married to someone I don't love?  Or, am I supposed to marry him because all the lights are green (except my heart) and eventually I'll "grow to love him"... maybe. 
      I remember a time when my Dad asked me how it was going with a certain guy.  This guy was interested in starting a relationship with me.  I wasn't so sure...  I looked at my dad while trying to sort my thoughts into a coherent sentence that would somehow communicate every question, concern, uncertainty, fear, hope, dread and depression that I felt all swirling around in my heart and Dad interpreted it all into one brief fragment of a sentence. "No spark, huh?"  Wow.  Relief.  "Yeah, no spark."  He just nodded and walked away.  As if to say "Well, that's that.  No spark."  Yeah.  No spark.  What a relief to understand that there is SUPPOSED to be a spark.  If there's not, Red Light. 
            Of course, no spark isn't the only reason you should nip a relationship in the bud.  There are MANY other things to consider.  Do you agree with this guy on all important subjects?  Doctrine, Child-raising, are you compatible?  I could write another whole article on these subjects but these issues have mostly already been addressed by more qualified people than myself. 

            E) The dread.  The doubt.  This could really be it.  The last train for marriage-ville.  I'm not getting any younger.  This guy is attracted to me.  He'd probably take good care of me.  If I don't agree to go with him...  there's a good chance no one else will ever ask me.  I could be doomed to spinster-hood!!!!!  In the infamous words of Mr. Collins of Pride and Prejudice fame "...You should take it into further consideration that, in spite of your manifold attractions, it is by no means certain that another offer of marriage may ever be made to you."

            F) The decision.  The "breaking it off."  Is it really breaking it off if it never even starts? 

            G) Then the guilt.  I probably really hurt this guy's feelings.  Now I feel like an ice queen.  Am I incapable of love? 

            H) Back to the single life.  Except now I feel even more single than ever.   

            I) Then the self questioning. "God, why did You allow this to happen?"  For me, this is one of the hardest parts.  As Jessie Brown says in Cranford "It's not the despair that hurts, but the hope."  Even if your hope never materializes into the feelings you hope it will... the disappointed hope can still leave a bruise that may take a long time to heal. 

   A friend said to me the other day "God will allow our desires (even good ones) to be tested."  This is so true!  False start relationships can be discouraging, believe me I know!  But, it's always better to look on the bright side.  Be thankful for the experience!  Be thankful that God is working in you!  Be thankful that you made the right decision!  Know that God doesn't walk us through darkness for no reason.  He tests us because He loves us.  Every test and trial we go through is one more test or trial behind us.  Don't give up!  
          
If there's three things I want you to understand they would be these:

•     Just because a guy wants to start a relationship with you doesn't mean he's the one.  I consider marriage a very serious decision to be made.  A possible relationship should be seriously considered.  But, don't fall into the way of thinking that a possible relationship is automatically THE relationship.  If there's a perfect man out there for you, there are no rules saying he has to be the first to ask.
•    Trust your gut instincts.  God will not ask you to marry someone you don't love or feel right about.  If he really is the one for you God will make it clear to BOTH of you.
  
•    Don't allow yourself to doubt.  There's nothing wrong with you.  Everything in our lives should contribute to our growth.  And God will use any situation to draw you closer to Him.  And there IS a perfect someone for you somewhere out there.  Don't get discouraged.

I know many girls will never have to deal with this sort of thing.  But, I also know that some of us will.  Please don't give up hope or feel alone. 

I believe in happy endings.  If it's not happy... it's not the end.

On Aging

I think I'm having belated reactions to my birthday a couple months ago.

Have you ever had that birthday?  You know... the depressing one?

Well, I thought 25 was bad.  Then I turned 26.  I had JUST gotten accustomed to being 25; and then I realized.  26 is older than 25.  I tried to keep my depression on the down-low.  Whenever I mentioned the shock at the passing of time and my own aging, I usually got about the same kind of response.  Some variation of: "You're not OLD!"

So, I'm not really.  But, still, I took 26 hard and I spent a lot of time wondering where my early 20s went to.  And trying to remember what I did with them.  Were there any accomplishments to speak of?  Did I make any significant advancements in life?  None were apparent.  I felt like the same person I was at 18, when I graduated from high school, put my life in God's hands, and settled in to wait on direction.
That was a tough birthday.  And for about 6 months afterward.

Then I turned 27.

I sort of dreaded this birthday, especially after my experience with the last one.  (Which, by the way, does not seem that it possibly could have been a year ago?)  But, it seemed to go pretty well.  The day was uneventful for the most part.  I still don't FEEL 27, and I certainly don't LOOK it... (some people still guess my age at 18 :) but, it went well.

Or so I thought.

Then it happened.

I found a gray hair.

By now you are probably thinking that I am a horribly dramatic person who is very easily thrown off her rocker.

Nothing brings the passage of time closer to home for me than repetition.  There are certain events that are regular as clockwork in my life.  Yearly events.  For instance the homeschool play that my brother and sister were in last weekend.  I remember sitting in that same auditorium 12 months ago thinking: "The next play is a YEAR away.  That's such a long time.  A lot can happen in a year.  Maybe next year, I won't be sitting here alone."  And, 24 months ago?  Same thing.  36 months ago?  Yep.  This is hard to admit, so bear with me?

I'm content being single.  I really am.  I'm enjoying it.  But, I'm one of those people that is always alone in a crowd.  Nothing makes me feel more desolate than a full house.  Have you ever been in a theater and noticed how many people are paired up?  Very few people go to these things alone.  Of course, I don't go strictly alone; I go with my (huge) family.  So, maybe I have no right to let the loneliness creep up on me and sit on my shoulders.

But, (even though it's hard) I'm being honest here.  Loneliness hurts.  It hurts to go to the same events year after year and watch the couples.  It's hard to watch everyone younger than you married and toting babies.  It's hard to know that people that know me wonder if I'll EVER find a guy.

Mostly, it's hard to realize that another year has gone by (and they keep coming faster and faster) and I'm still single.  And I'm sitting in the same auditorium again, with a couple in front of me.  And one behind me; and one on the left, and one on the right, and know that (based on previous experience) next year it will probably be the same.

And that's why I struggle with birthdays.  Not because I feel old.  Not really because I found a gray hair.  (Because, seriously, it's ONE gray hair) It's because it's another reminder that time marches on.  And that I'm not where I thought I'd be. 

I'm not sharing this with you all because I'm trying to get you depressed.  I'm saying it because it's true in my life.  And I have a feeling there are other young women out there feeling the same way.  I know that I'm exactly where I should be.  I know my future is in God's hands.  I know He loves me.
But, that doesn't mean that sometimes I don't hurt.  It just means that when I DO hurt He comforts me. 
And, maybe if we're honest with each other, and share our hurts, we can comfort each other?

IDDiots United!

If you follow my Other Blog at all you know that I am an IDDiot.

I.D.D. stands for  "I Don't Date."

NOT  

"I Don't Diet"

OR

"I Dig Ditches"

OR 

"I Don't Dance"

OR 

"Is Dover Deep?"

It is pronounced like IDIOT.  BUT,

In this case the word IDDiot means= A person belonging to the I Don't Date forum.  Or, as we affectionately refer to it: "IDD"  That's I. D. D. NOT "id".  Got it?

It does not mean= A person of inferior intelligence.

OK.

So, I'm an IDDiot. 
So are all of these lovely ladies.  Some of whom I met for the first time while we were in Florida.  (Some of them are my sisters and I met them for the first time shortly after they were born.)  :)

 

Back Row (left to right) Sarah B. (obviously she is an honorary IDDiot as she is not yet old enough to join a discussion forum.  Not for lack of discussion skills, of course.  She just can't type well enough yet.) Katie ,Sarah Dee, Abigail

Front Row (left to right) Christine (honorary IDDiot), Stephanie, Lydia (honorary IDDiot), Susie, Debbie, Me

We giggled a lot.  And learned things about each other.  And learned that we already knew a lot about each other.  

I love my IDDiots.  :)

My Kind of Science

This is chemistry, right???

See, you mix all these things together and you get a CHEMICAL REACTION.

Like I said.  This is my kind of science.  The kind where you get to eat blueberry muffins at the end.

Blueberry Muffin recipe courtesy of Krista at The IDD Blog

Today...

I would love very much to show you pictures of my first ever gardening project!

Alas, the camera isn't here *sigh*

Ah Well...

tomorrow.


On another note, I've started Pilates and I'm really enjoying them so far! I'll be in shape before you know it! (Maybe)

I've been working on the same sewing project for weeks (maybe months) now, and I'm down to the very last step, sewing in the hook and eye, so hopefully, I'll be able to share pictures of that soon, also.

Current Reading:



How did you all like Dr. Jak's Fashion post I did a couple of weeks ago? I'm going to try to make that a regular thing on this blog and also over on the IDD BLOG as well.
Ok.

I hope you all have a wonderful, wonderful day!

Announcing!

My latest project of which I am very proud and super excited!!!

THE IDD BLOG

Some friends and I have started this blog as a way to encourage and minister to other single Christian girls. We plan to have articles on everything from humor, to waiting on the Lord, fashion, book reviews and all sorts of fun, thought provoking, and encouraging subjects.

Here's the mission statement:

The mission of I Don't Date is to provide support, edification and encouragement to all the 'ladies in waiting' that are committed to courtship (dating with a purpose) and are trusting God to direct their future. We provide an online community which seeks to explore the ideas and ideals of courtship while providing Godly fellowship to each other in each of our paths. We seek to “hustle while we wait,” dedicating whatever season of life we are in to God’s glory and our Christian journey.

Please join us and let us know what you think. We'll be posting regularly Monday-Saturday.