A little 5 year old girl died on Sunday. I don't think they even know how or why yet. She woke up in the morning, wasn't feeling well, collapsed and died in her mother's arms. Today I delivered flowers to her funeral and I got a peek at her laying all serene in her little casket. A peek was all I could take. She looked so peaceful and had such a sweet little face. All dressed up in a little black velvet dress, hair brushed so smooth and shiny.
I immediately devoted myself to unwrapping the 20 or so plants/flower arrangements I had delivered. Anything to distract myself from the growing lump in my throat.
The tragedy of it brings back all the worst memories.
An 11 year old boy who committed suicide after his mother told him he had to get his grades up or he wouldn't be able to do rodeo in the summer. I think every customer that came into the shop or called on the phone to order flowers for his funeral broke down into tears. We kept kleenex handy all over the shop and I bawled over a picture of him and his best friend playing in the mud when they were 6.
Making a casket spray for a baby's coffin. I remember the funeral director calling me and telling me "It has to be really small" He gave me the dimensions of the casket. Tiny. Tears fell on those flowers. When his mother came into the shop the next week to pay for the flowers I hugged her... I didn't know what else to do.
There are good memories attached to my job. But, times like this bring all the bad ones to the surface. I know it's not my job that's the problem. These things would happen regardless of whether or not I'm a florist. And if I don't arrange a dozen pink roses for that little girl's funeral someone else will.
For me the problem is that I don't want to know about the sad things. I don't want to deal with tragedy. I don't want to think about young lives cut short, about potential forever untapped.
But, should I really hide from reality? Isn't it better to face up to the hard things and do what I can to help? If all I do is make this little girl's funeral a beautiful garden, if all I do is help people express their grief and sympathy than it's all I can do. But, at least it's SOMETHING.
Facing grief is challenging. I don't know if I've learned how to do it yet. Maybe I never really will.
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3 comments:
You are on a roll.
It is a good thing to do all you can... even if it doesn't seem much.
It is so sad working with families who have lost loved ones, especially children. You can't help grieving with them. I think that doing such work makes me be more grateful for what I have.
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